Summer holidays coming.

04 Jul

Not much is happening in the Summer holidays in the North of the county, but the Brewery Arts Centre in Kendal is running a few life drawing days and is well worth a visit. Details of their courses here;

I’m hoping for a quieter Summer anyway. Last year I decided to clean the house out whilst the kids were away visiting their mother, which went okayish…I’m not much of a tidier to be honest. I was sort of making progress, however, until the snake escaped, two days before the kids were due to return.

I’m a dab hand at locating hamsters, gerbils and stick insects, but snakes are a different matter. A hamster or a gerbil will make for a corner of the room to hole up in, probably because it affords a good view of any approaching snakes. Approaching snakes aren’t normally a problem to hamsters in British houses, but they clearly have an instinct to avoid them, and I thought the first thing to do was move the hamster to a place of safety next door.

Of course, it’s only relative safety living in a terrace – the snake could have got to the corner house by now, in which case I was practicing my looks of astonishment and saying “would you believe it, it’s probably from number 12, you know what they’re like” etc etc. No way was I going to take responsibility for the snake eating the corner house’s pets.

The next thing I did was drag out all the stuff I’d spent the previous three weeks sorting and tidying, but no sign of the snake. I checked on the internet, and found lots of helpful advice about how they can go missing for five years and turn up out of the blue, looking happy and healthy. And also how it was a good idea to put dead mice everywhere to lure them out. Neither of these cheered me up and I went through everything again, whilst rehearsing excuses and thinking how I could hurry the ex-wife and her new baby out the house, without mentioning a snake being on the loose. That’s the sort of thing ex-wives tend to write down on their lists of everything you’ve ever done wrong in your life, ever, and mine still has a grudge against me for farting on our first date.

By 2 o’clock at night, there was still no sign of the snake. I turned off all the lights and sat there in the dark, listening for a bit, just in case it turned out to be nocturnal. It didn’t, or at least no more active at night than it usually is.

Six AM, the day before the kids were due back, I was up and at it again. Turned the mess over one more time with no success, and by eleven I was too tired to carry on. An hour’s sleep would give me the energy to continue, I reasoned, and put my head down for a bit. Woke up, made coffee, sat down to see if some useful advice had magically appeared on the internet overnight (it never does). And what do I find?

The snake, in the printer.

1 Comment

Posted by on July 4, 2012 in Uncategorized


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One response to “Summer holidays coming.

  1. Hallmark Hotel Carlisle

    July 11, 2012 at 9:58 am

    Snakes! Yikes!! I was invited to play golf in Cheshire last year and when we got to the last hole I was very pleased to hit one of my best drives of the day. As I walked up to the ball and surveyed my approach to the green I noticed that a rather large twig or branch had landed on the front of the green. After I had it my shot I walked up to the green only to find that it wasn’t a twig. It was a rather large and very irritable snake, further irritated by my partner waving his putter at it. I actually took a video on my phone and was told by a friend later that it definitely wasn’t indigenous and had probably escaped from a local home. I often wonder hat happened to that snake. It slithered into a green side bunker. I checked the news for a few days afterward but there were no reports of golfers receiving snake bites so I think it must have been pretty harmless.


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